How to learn from people you don’t like

I used to work with this person who was extremely confident and appeared to lack complete self-awareness. He was unapologetically ambitious and did whatever he needed to do to get to what he wanted. And guess what? It flippin’ worked. By far, he is one of the most successful people I know in terms of saying what he wanted and getting that very thing.

Do you know someone like that?

Don’t you hate them?

I would say to myself that this turd may be successful, but look at how he did it. I would tell myself I was morally superior. But here was my truth- nothing was changing for me. I was placing energy in extreme judgement and completely missing the point of this life lesson.

I talk about taking the good with the bad, and that nothing is perfect all the time. And nothing is terrible all the time, forever. The same can be true for this douche bag. At times he was funny. He was very smart. I am sure people truly loved him, so he wasn’t all bad. I bet he was a cool dad in some ways. And ultimately his focus on what he wanted taught me a lot about what I wasn’t doing in my life. Here are some of the lessons I learned through him, for which I am forever grateful.

Because remember, we don’t need to like someone to learn from them.

1.     No one’s opinion of you matters, except your own.

Seriously. The person you spend the most time with is yourself. You are talking to yourself constantly and listening to yourself constantly. So, you better freaking love yourself so much that all you say are the things you need to hear to want to keep showing up every day. You need to hold relentless belief that you can get whatever it is you want, so you keep showing up to get that thing. This dude for sure received some negative evaluations in his career, but did he listen to them? Not more than he listened to himself.

2.     Be unashamed about your ambition.

As women, you can be socialized to be soft, kind vessels to carry the weight of everyone around us so that they can feel nurtured and safe. You may ask yourself questions like: What kind of mother/friend/wife/leader am I? And that’s a great question, but an additional one you should be asking is, “How am I supporting myself so I can be an example for my kids/friend/spouse/team?”

What do you want? Do you know what you want out of your time and how much money you want to make and the work you want to do? I hope so. And I also hope once you know these answers that you share these with people who can help you achieve them and understand the choices you must make to get them. And if the people who can help you tell you to sit down, then you simply build a new chair and find a new table. I’ve done it, and so can you.

3.     Don’t be afraid of failing, be afraid of quitting.

There were many things that this chode did that failed miserably. But guess what? He was fine with losing. He really wanted to win, but when he lost, he kept going. Product launch failed! No worries, believe in the vision! Creative didn’t land in the market! It’s fine, push for better. His relentless action despite obstacles kept him in the game. He didn’t use setbacks as a sign to quit.

When we are in school, our success is marked by our grades. But when you want massive results in your life, if you only stick to what you are good at, and what you know, you will remain in your comfort zone. Learning requires mistakes. Growth requires failure. His failures became his badges of honor, not a sign that his goals were wrong. He simply maneuvered around them and kept evolving. So, change the tactic, change the plan but do not change the dream.

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